so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
