In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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