Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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