literally had 100 drinks last night.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
