I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
