Im at strip club and am horny
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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