how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
