btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Who died my cat blue again?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
