He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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