i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
