I CAN MOONWALK!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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