There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I touched a dick in church today
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
