Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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