I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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