What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
