Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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