Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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