Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
