Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
