i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ugly people sure do ruin things
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
