I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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