well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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