Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
3 2 1 whiskey
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
