Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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