It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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