so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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