Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
