i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
