it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I didn't shave. On purpose
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
