I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
