somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
