I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
