She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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