i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Enjoy the penises
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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