That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
