We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
