that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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