what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
