I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
