They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
