how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
