yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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