I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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