hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
