tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
