Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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