He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
