I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
