i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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