i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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