taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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